Just Breathe: A Hand to Hold Onto
by merlucadevotion
Summary: This is a one shot that takes place around the time of Tommy being born. Newly widowed DJ Fuller is set to give birth at any moment. She's terrified and must overcome an emptiness that only her family and the birth of her third child could possibly fill.


The day that DJ had been anticipating for the past nine months had finally arrived. It was the day that her youngest baby boy would be making his entrance into the world.

However, it was bittersweet as her husband had tragically passed in the line of duty mere months before this day could arrive.

DJ and her late husband, Tommy Fuller had spent months planning and talking about this. There was a birthing plan, a discussion of names, and then within the blink of an eye..he was gone.

History had a tragic way of repeating itself and it now left her as a widowed mother of three. Just as tragedy had left her father widowed three decades earlier.

Thankfully, just like her father, she was far from alone in this. As she laid in the hospital breathing through the pain of each contraction, her father Danny and younger sister Stephanie were right there by her side.

She also found comfort in knowing that her two older children were safe at home with Jesse, Becky, and Joey who had agreed to look after them.

It was after 10pm, now going on the fifth hour of active labor and DJ was growing increasingly agitated. Perhaps it was the added stress she was under, but this labor seemed to hurt a hell of a lot more than the first two and she felt the need of an epidural sooner rather than later

Stephanie stood by her side rubbing her back and feeding her ice chips. "You've got this, DJ. Dad and I are both here for you."

Danny nodded in agreement. "We're right here, sweetheart."

DJ managed a slight smile amidst the sharp pains throughout her body. "I'm really glad you guys are here. I just wish…"

Suddenly, DJ's wish came true before she could finish her thought.

The door to her birthing room opened and in walked her youngest sister Michelle, her blonde hair slightly a mess, a cup of Starbucks in her hand as she took of her shades revealing tired eyes but a smile nonetheless.

DJ, Stephanie, and Danny's eyes all widened in surprise as if they had just seen a ghost.

"Michelle?!" DJ exclaimed in surprise.

Michelle nodded with a smile. "It's me, big sis. Obviously I couldn't possibly miss the birth of my third nephew."

Danny and Stephanie both stood up to greet Michelle with a hug.

"It's really good to see you, honey." said Danny.

"It's good to see you too, Daddy. All of you." replied Michelle.

"So wait aren't you supposed to be in Italy?" questioned Stephanie.

Originally, Michelle had a fashion show to attend in Milan and had told the family she wouldn't be able to make it in time.

"I was. I was in a beautiful country surrounded by beautiful people and then I realized that there is nothing more beautiful than family. I just had to be here. Sooo I booked the next flight available, and fifteen hours later, here I am" explained Michelle as she stood near DJ's bed holding her hand.

DJ felt tears welling up in her eyes as her baby sister stood before her. Although, she wasn't quite sure whether it was the sentiment or merely the hormones at play. She decided it was a combination of both.

The family sat around chatting for a while to keep DJ's mind off the pain but it soon became unbearable. The woman pressed the button on her remote to page the nurse.

Within seconds, the nurse, Shannon, appeared as requested. "How're we doing, Dr. Fuller?" asked the nurse as she checked DJ's and the baby's vitals.

"Epidural. I need it." DJ instructed through clenched teeth.

Nurse Shannon nodded. "I'll go ahead and call the anesthesiologist down here to get that to you right away."

"Thank you" said DJ.

A few minutes later, the anesthesiologist, an older gentleman by the name of Dr. Brooks came in with the tools needed for the epidural.

He explained the process and instructed DJ to relax as much as she could.

DJ sat on the edge of the bed and the doctor got the needle ready to insert into DJ's lower back.

The expectant mother bit her lip and clenched her fists at the burning sensation from the needle.

Danny, Stephanie, and Michelle watched as the doctor administered the epidural. It was especially hard for Danny to watch, considering needles made him quite squeamish.

Once that was over, DJ laid back down and it was time for yet another round of the waiting game.

Despite the fact that she was surrounded by the people she loved most in the world, DJ could not seem to shake the empty feeling she felt inside, like there was something missing.

Of course, she knew exactly what that missing piece was. Her husband.

She found herself wondering what his reaction to all of this would be. For their first two boys, he was so calm and collected though he would later reveal he was just as terrified as she was, but decided to put on a brave face for DJ to keep her calm. And it worked every time.

The nurse came by after another hour to check DJ's cervix, 10cm dilated. The big moment had arrived. It was time for her to push.

Stephanie and Michelle each held up one of DJ's legs as the doctor and nurses all prepared for her to start pushing. Danny stood beside her, holding one of her hands.

With her legs now elevated, the doctor took her position in front of DJ. "Alright, Dr. Fuller, this baby is ready to meet you. I'm going to need you to take deep breaths for me and start pushing. Okay?"

DJ nodded in response.

"And Grandpa, you help her out with her breathing as much as you can." instructed the doctor.

Danny nodded and DJ squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"And aunties, I'm gonna need you to keep holding those legs of hers up. There's going to be a lot of pressure so make sure you've got her" said the doctor, looking at both Steph and Michelle.

"You got it, dude." replied Michelle, giving a signature thumbs up.

Then, it was time.

 _Breathe...Just breathe...one two three..push._

This went on for another two minutes when suddenly DJ burst into tears. "I..I can't do this! I'm sorry. I can't do it!"

"Sweetheart, I promise you can do it. You're almost there. It's all going to be okay.." Danny spoke gently.

DJ shook her head. "No! I can't. Tommy..he's..he's supposed to be here! I can't do this alone" she cried. Tears continued falling from her eyes and nothing could stop the pain she was feeling both physically and emotionally.

This time Stephanie spoke up. "DJ, you are not alone. You've got a whole village here who loves you and this baby, as well as your other beautiful boys. Tommy's looking down on us right now and he's proud of you, DJ. He's proud of you for being so strong and making it this far."

"Just breathe, DJ. As soon as your beautiful baby boy is in your arms, none of this pain will matter. It'll all be worth it" added Michelle, gently rubbing DJ's leg.

"Okay you have to start pushing again, momma. We don't want the baby to go into distress" said one of the nurses.

DJ spent another five minutes pushing and pushing when finally her beautiful baby boy made his much anticipated entrance into the world. There were tears all around and not just from the newborn infant screaming his head off.

"Congratulations on your healthy baby boy!" the doctor announced as she held him up and placed the infant on DJ's chest.

"Oh my god. He's so beautiful" said DJ, tears in her eyes. This time they were tears of pure joy.

The family surrounded DJ with arms around each other as the tears flowed.

"You did so good. I couldn't be more proud of my beautiful, brave, oldest daughter." said Danny.

The nurses then took the baby to be cleaned up before bringing him back to DJ freshly cleaned and cozy in a onesie and blanket.

As she held her baby in her arms, she felt a strong sense of not only unconditional love but gratitude. Although her husband was gone, he had left her one last parting gift. The last piece of him, a memory that would last a lifetime just as it would with Jackson and Max. They were each a unique reflection of him and the wonderful man he was.

"Have you decided on a name for him yet?" asked Stephanie as the baby's little hand wrapped snugly around her finger.

"I have. Everyone..say hello to Thomas Fuller Jr. Baby Tommy." said DJ, her voice trembling with emotion.

The family all expressed their immense approval of the name choice and Danny, Stephanie, and Michelle each got a turn holding baby Tommy.

Michelle sat in the rocking chair holding Tommy whose eyes were wide awake and alert looking up at her. "Welcome to the world, little dude. You're about to be surrounded by so much love you won't even know what to do with it all"

DJ smiled proudly at the sight before her as she lay there on the bed, her eyelids becoming increasingly heavy with exhaustion.

Once everyone had their turn holding the new bundle of joy, the nurse placed him in the incubator next to DJ's bed where he would sleep while in the hospital. She then pulled out the couch which folded out into a bed for visitors to sleep.

Michelle and Stephanie shared the bed while Danny was content with the reclining chair for the night.

One by one, they each drifted off into a peaceful slumber. DJ took a final breath of relief before she too fell asleep.

And for the first time in quite a while, she felt deep in her heart that everything would truly be okay.


End file.
